Stay Consistent

Whatever you choose to put your mind to, you can surely accomplish. I believe the correct word to use is Consistency, now there are things that we should do and there are things that we most definitely shouldn’t, but sometimes our focus may be on the wrong things. For instance, I was really consistent with not following my purpose and totally ignoring what God clearly had for me to do and I Consistently told him to kick rocks, and I focused on the things that I wanted to do, and that’s what I chose to sow into, and what I received back was a lot of wasted time and hard lessons.

We can talk until we are blue in the face about our life goals that we want to accomplish but it doesn’t get done without effort and consistency. Will it be easy? No. It’s not going to be easy, that’s why we call them Goals, you are suppose to shed some tears while you are still crawling and scratching towards your God Given Purpose. Listen, I’ve learned so much on my own journey about achieving and going after my purpose, there have been so many roadblocks ahead of me this current year, but instead of stopping I climbed over them and moved past whatever tried to block my progress.

Let’s just keep it 💯, road blocks and obstacles are meant to throw off  your focus, and you have to willfully ignore the distractions and press through towards your destiny. Consistency is key when achieving something great, and if it’s worth it to you, then you will not mind putting in the work. Remember, you don’t get to reach your goals with a stop and go process. Stay Consistent

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COUNTERATTACKING

When you are committed to a relationship or a marriage, there will be a lot of great moments when you are laughing, cutting up with one another and just enjoying each other’s company. But there are also those times when he or she just might say something that rubs you the wrong way and the conversation can take a drastic turn for the worse. I stated in my one of my previous blogs that we have to play fair, and we should always do that, but today I want to discuss counterattacking.

Now, I have been very guilty of counterattacking in my relationships and it never ends well, because when you counterattack that means you have made your spouse your opponent or enemy and they are not the enemy. 

I’m not going sit here and lie to ya’ll, when I had disagreements with my significant other, she was the devil and my goal at that point and time is to chew her up and spit her out with my words.

It’s funny that when you are single you start to take inventory of yourself and you’re able to break down your faults. The one thing that I’m now learning about myself is, I used to always listen to respond, instead of listening to resolve. I’m pretty sure a lot of my disagreements would have ended amicably if me and my partner would have had this type of approach.

Listen we are all human and that means we are not perfect at all, but we should strive for perfection on a daily basis, especially when it comes down to how we treat the love of our lives.

The fact of the matter is, GOD IS LOVE and we are not showing God’s love by waiting to attack our spouse with our words just because they might have said something that you necessarily don’t like.

If one of you can take the latter, it can change the whole dynamic of the conversation. I am still trying to learn this and it’s tough but I don’t wish to tare down what God has blessed me with, because that is not LOVE.

The fact of the matter is, you and your spouse will have disagreements until the end of your life, but we all have some growing to do in that area. There is nothing wrong with counterattacking the right way. Instead of counterattacking to gain the edge of the argument, how about you just listen to what they have to say and respond in LOVE instead of anger. I promise you, if we continue to try to perfect this practice we will all see tremendous growth not only in our relationships but in ourselves.

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Make sure you check out my book, It Happened, It Hurt, Now What? which comes out on October 27th.

If you are in the Elizabeth City area, make sure you stop by for my book launch on October 27th at Skies Art Lounge.

 

 

 

A Cheater’s Turn

I’m not going to lie and tell you that cheating with other women wasn’t fun or enjoyable. I had a great time doing what I did, even though I was dead wrong.

To be honest, I never saw myself getting caught or making a change in my lifestyle. I would wake up and tell myself, “Wes, you are going to be good today, you will honor your wife and your marriage”

Well of course the temptation would show itself strong and I would fail miserably, whether it was physical or just saying something very inappropriate to the opposite sex.

On a constant basis I would see the hurt and anguish just eating through the heart of my ex-wife, and it’s a shame that even her tears and pleading with me just to treat her right couldn’t get me to see that my ways were totally wrong.

Now the type of Karma that was waiting on me I don’t wish on anybody, but the crazy thing was, I never really thought about the repercussions of my actions until it became my turn to cry.

The saying “cheaters never prosper” is definitely a true statement that I had to learn the hard way, and it was a hard pill to swallow. It’s funny that you never really think about what you have done to others until it’s done to you 100 times worse.

When everything was said and done with me and my ex-wife, and we actually forgave one another for the things that had transpired between us, she began to share some of the tough times that she suffered through when I left. All of the stories that she shared with me started to run through my mind as my karma knocked on the door.

I’ve never cried so much in my life when everything was done with my prior relationship, and I deserved to shed every last tear that fell down my face because I really thought that I was invincible and nothing would ever come back on me.  I was delusional for believing that. I understand that we all have different desires, but we have to be mature and accountable for our decisions at some point in time in your life.

As I said before, I thought I was Superman when I was out there doing my dirt, but everyone has their own kryptonite out there, and you if you choose to continue to decide to be reckless with your actions, remember that Every Cheater Has It’s Turn.

You can read more in my new book, It Happened, It Hurt, Now What? set to release on October 27th!

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Baggage Check

I can’t imagine anyone wanting to spend life alone in this world because having the right person in your life can be such a joy. However, we have to be mature enough to perform a baggage check before we can invite another person into our lives. No one wants to constantly deal with your old skeletons that you had the opportunity to handle before proceeding with a new relationship.

Now, you are listening to a person who didn’t always check his bags before taking flight into another relationship. Before me and my ex-wife were even divorced, I decided to dive into another relationship. Of course, I didn’t perform any self inventory on myself.

I was totally blinded by something “new and fresh.” In my mind I actually thought that those two qualities would actually fix what was wrong with me.

After a period of almost 5 years in the “new and fresh” a lot of the issues that I decided not to tackle prior to, started to really take over my relationship. The sad thing about this whole situation was, we BOTH didn’t check our baggage.

Here we have 2 people with unresolved issues from the past, trying to make something “new and fresh” work and we both ended up wasting years on something that should have never happened in the first place.

I’ve learned some hard lessons in this short life of mine and I’m pretty sure I have some more to learn, but not in this particular subject. For now, I’m still single and I’m not rushing to be in a relationship at all, but I am taking the time to go through all my bags, and removing the unnecessary items, so when that right time comes for me to fly again, I can do it without all the added weight.

God’s Love should be the foundation to any new relationship that wants a happy home. Remember, just because you are moving into a new home (relationship) doesn’t mean you have to bring everything with you that you once had in storage. Remember you can’t carry old habits into a new season. Check your Baggage!

You can read more in my new book, It Happened, It Hurt, Now What? set to release October 27, 2017!!

 

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Fair Play

For the last 14 years I’ve been in two different relationships, so I have experienced a lot of different relationship scenarios.

Now, I often heard the cliche term that “the women are always right”, but let’s be real do you  really think that your house will be happy with just one of you being right?

Now, I’ve been single for the last year and a half, so I’ve had some time to analyze somethings, mostly traits about myself that I didn’t know about, but one of my pet peeves has to be relationship balance and fairness.

The one thing that really used to bother me was when my significant other would do something that I didn’t necessarily like, and I would have what you call “speedy forgiveness”, but man, neither my ex-wife or ex-girlfriend would give me the same treatment.

When you’re in a relationship, no one is above one another. Your relationship should be founded on a God, which will lead to a solid friendship, and then the both of you will begin to develop trust and care for one another.

My big sister Jae told me something that I will never forget when I begin a new relationship. She told me, little bro never go to sleep with out making things right first with your partner.

At the end of the day, it’s not about who is right or wrong, it’s about taking care of each others heart. I don’t ever want to see my future wife with tears in her eyes because I”m choosing to be a man of pride and allow her to to be upset over and issue that means more to me than her.

There is no disagreement that should stop the love that you all should have for one another.

I’ll be the first to say that I let something “Great” get away because of my pride. My goal in life now, is to encourage  as many people as  I can to take a different route then me. Respect goes both ways, and at the end of the day, all you have is each other, so foul play on either side can stunt your relationship growth.

Play Fair!

Remember to check out my new book, It Happened, It Hurt, Now What? on October 27!

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